Michael K (my only source for real news) reported on how Arizona kids use “vodka tampons” and “anal beer bongs” to get their drunk on in more secretive way. WHAT THE FOOK??
A while ago there was an episode of The Doctors where they showed us all how to get the sweet nectar in our system on the down low. The key words being “down low.” According to the episode, teens are getting their fix by shoving vodka tampons up their snatches and sticking a beer bong up their no-nos. This brings new meaning to the term “drunk pussy.”
Well, ABC15 in Arizona says that vodka tampons and anal beer bongs are all the rage with kids as young as 12, because it’s a way for them to get boozed without much detection. Stephanie Siete of a substance abuse center in Arizona said, “It’s quicker absorption, it’s hidden and it’s new. For females, they’re damaging their reproductive system.” Yeah, but they won’t notice that their vagina cave is dying a slow death, because they will be waaaaaaasted. Paaaartay while your pussay fries!
Stephanie added that kids in Arizona are also doing it Prince Hot Ginge-style by snorting vodka from the bottle.
Kids these fucking days! When I was 12, we were soooo not hardcore. We just used to get high by freebasing DayQuil and injecting battery acid between our toes.
And yes, getting drunk by sticking a vodka tampon up my ass is tempting, but the last thing I need is another visit to the free clinic. Methinks the “wind blew it up my ass” excuse won’t work on them. Besides, who the hell wants to burn up their genitals?!!!! For some whores, the pussy and asshole is their check to cash. So basically you are burning up money! No fuck no.
Hell would freeze over before I put vodka into my pikachu. No way in shit hell.
Breaking Dawn comes out tonight. Big Barnes and Nobles party is planned. T-shirts have been decorated. Updates to follow.
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Been reading breaking dawn since about 1 AM. Now is 5:48. Will i get sleep? no one knows.
Not tired at all. About 5/7 of the way through. thunder caused vinca to get in my bed. very smelly and not chill at all.
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7:21
Just finished the book. A little tired. Writing this so that people will know what my true reaction was to the book directly after i finished it, and can look back and know if i changed my opinions or whatever. I thought it was really good. It had a plot that i had NEVER anticipated. I thought of the idea a little randomly at times, but never actually thought it was a viable plot device. I know i’m being vague, but don’t want to spoil anything for anyone. Ummm…at one point i thought the plot was a little silly, and one of the names was one of the most stupid names i have ever heard in my life. so dumb. some parts were saccharine, but others i truly enjoyed and would laugh out loud. A lot of skimming was done in some parts, but it wasn’t like HP where I had no idea what was going on as a result of that. It was very good, even better than Eclipse, in my opinion.
All i know is that i can’t wait to talk about it with Kyla!
If moths had eyes, would they be happier,
how do they know they’re not dead?
Cavemen hunting for food,
but not before they style the hair on their head
What would last longer in dinosaur times?
A blind man didn’t stand a chance,
not with all them rocks about,
I’d rather be a blind moth.
Bubbled wallpaper, what a mess,
Washer/dryer knackered, what a mess, Siamese twins separated, one leg less
For God’s sake, me bellyache,
The doctor said it was me kidney,
He said he had to put a tube up me knob,
I said you gotta be kidding me,
For God’s sake, knobache
It would be spiteful
To put a jellyfish in a trifle.
As Alex is busy reading the first chapter of Breaking Dawn on the computer next to us, Alison is ready to make an update.
Fragilely? Is there really another “L” in that word? What’s better than fancy cars and a credit card? Magic. That’s what. And the band. Always.
Calling all Jacobs:
If your name is Jacob, please let us know because we will be interviewing Jacobs for a new position as lead singer in the band (Kyla is being fired, but she doesn’t know it yet, but she might now because she’s typing this). We prefer werewolves for singers. Their really good for that part of “Spatula.” Kyla can’t type. I am not wrong.
There’s not much going on now. Ice cream party at my house today!!! And global warming, which is actually not a good combination if you think about it. Maybe bring some napkins.
EDWARD AND SETH ARE FRIENDS?!!!!!! I don’t believe it. They’re frenemies forever.
That’s all for now.
Dear Kyla,
Excuse me, my feet are not dirty. I make Alex wash them every day. Not because she is black, but because she is my friend, and what are friends for? Also, there is a message for you and Michael Flatley in your next French worksheet. Bella’s pregnant? Oh, never mind. Only engaged. Sorry to disappoint you.
Sincerely,
The Red-Headed League
P.S. Alex, I was talking to Vinca and she actually does speak in a British accent. Bloody Hell!
Religion is not a pair of pants that someone can change whenever they see fit. Quaker is what many of the major characters claim to be, if not for simply believing in the tenants, then for the fact that they lived in Nantucket, a place originally settled by Quakers. Several of the characters in Moby Dick are identified as Quakers, but their actions do not match their words. When comparing the tenants of the religion to the action and dialogue in the novel, it becomes evident that some of the characters can not be seen as Quakers.
Quakers believe in several tenants which shape their daily lives. The Quakers believe in, “the virtues of moral purity, integrity, honesty, simplicity and humility” (Tolerance). Ishmael learns about the history of Bildad, which involved going to new lands and whaling. Ishmael informs the reader that, “…he had long since come to the sage and sensible conclusion that a man’s religion is one thing, and this practical world quite another.” Bildad apparently practiced his religion piously at home, but did not make the connection between it and the outside world. If religion generally carries moral codes to live by, what is the point in practicing a religion if you choose when and where you follow its rules? During the chapter, “The Ship,” Ishmael negotiates his lay with Bildad, who tries to convince him that 1/777 lay is plenty enough for Ishmael. Bildad believes that too much money might corrupt Ishmael, asserting, “The seven hundred and seventy-seventh wouldn’t be too much, would it?—‘where moth and rust do corrupt, but lay.’” Bildad attempted to use a quote from the bible to keep Ishmael from being “corrupted,” when it reality Bildad was just being greedy.
Another of the main testimonies of the Quakers is that of peace. The belief that violence is wrong has persisted from the religion’s very beginnings. Even Ishmael wonders how Bildad reconciled his religion with the spilling of, “tuns upon tuns of leviathan gore.” If peace and nonviolence runs towards humans, could it not also go towards animals, as well? Ishmael describes Quakers like Bildad and Peleg as “fighting Quakers…” but that seems completely oxymoronic. If a tenant of their belief is nonviolence, then the Quakers cannot be known as “fighters
Bildad constantly preaches to the other sailors about what he believes is appropriate behavior. Bildad scolds others when they swear and warns them of Hell. The fact that they participate in such a gory profession does not seem to bother Bildad. Morality and integrity should also be very important to Bildad, but he is only too willing to forget about those tenants when it comes to determining the lay. Bildad cares more for his job than what should be his way of life.
I think I would be a Gryffindore because Gryffinfores on average are a lot more attractive, and I’m a lot more attractive than most people, so I think I should be in Gryffindore. Well, beyond that, I’d just like to say that… uh… I did not take kyla’s comforter, did not wrap myself in it, and did not fart. No, I did not fart multiple times in Kyla’s comforter, and it was not comforting at all. And I would, would not do it again. I wouldn’t not do it again. I would. Not. I would do it as many times as necessary before kyla would agree that I was in gryffindore. But I wouldn’t do it in the first place, so it wouldn’t happen… Ah, that was a good one. I didn’t know I had that in me. Uh… talk about a Dutch oven…
Also, when it’s really dark outside, I like to hide under his cloak and see what I can see but he always tells me to look at him with my eyes. and then I start to feel uncomfortable and i crawl out from under his cloak and I cry.
On a happier note, the vice president of China, unbeknonst to him, will soon be exposed to SALAZAR AND THE GRYFFINPUFFS! But we don’t know that yet. Just like Kyla doesn’t know that I just farted.
-Sarah
Esteban here. Sarah has just ruined the most comforting part of my room.
Actually, it is pretty exciting. Sarah will get to sing in front of the vice president of China and the US Secretary of Treasury with two other Peabody singers. WOOHOO!! But what he doesn’t know is that the performance will actually be ambushed by our band. So instead of hearing “America the Beautiful,” He will be hearing “Bleach Night at the Malfoys” and “The Flaw in the Plan.” Lucky man he is.
Dear Alison,
Since Father Michael O’Flatley is so incredibly in love with himself, I doubt that he would care if I married him or gave him his tin whistle back. So how about I just go marry Shia Labeouf instead? Sound good? All right then, that’s settled. Oh, and will you make sure to wash your feet before band meetings from now on?
We are Salazar and the Gryffinpuffs, a wizard rock band, which means we write and record songs about Harry Potter. We live in Maryland and we have recently graduated from high school!
Our band is made up of:
Alex, 18 – Plays piano and does background vocals. Also monitors the many ... Continue reading »
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In Ramblings of Alex, so weird on July 2, 2008 at 3:37 pmBest comments ever? I think yes.
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