What in Fresh Hell?

Michael K (my only source for real news) reported on how Arizona kids use “vodka tampons” and “anal beer bongs” to get their drunk on in more secretive way. WHAT THE FOOK??

A while ago there was an episode of The Doctors where they showed us all how to get the sweet nectar in our system on the down low. The key words being “down low.” According to the episode, teens are getting their fix by shoving vodka tampons up their snatches and sticking a beer bong up their no-nos. This brings new meaning to the term “drunk pussy.”

Well, ABC15 in Arizona says that vodka tampons and anal beer bongs are all the rage with kids as young as 12, because it’s a way for them to get boozed without much detection. Stephanie Siete of a substance abuse center in Arizona said, “It’s quicker absorption, it’s hidden and it’s new. For females, they’re damaging their reproductive system.” Yeah, but they won’t notice that their vagina cave is dying a slow death, because they will be waaaaaaasted. Paaaartay while your pussay fries!

Stephanie added that kids in Arizona are also doing it Prince Hot Ginge-style by snorting vodka from the bottle.

Kids these fucking days! When I was 12, we were soooo not hardcore. We just used to get high by freebasing DayQuil and injecting battery acid between our toes.

And yes, getting drunk by sticking a vodka tampon up my ass is tempting, but the last thing I need is another visit to the free clinic. Methinks the “wind blew it up my ass” excuse won’t work on them. Besides, who the hell wants to burn up their genitals?!!!! For some whores, the pussy and asshole is their check to cash. So basically you are burning up money! No fuck no.

Hell would freeze over before I put vodka into my pikachu. No way in shit hell.

I Love Simon Amstell

Cooking with Alex: Flamiche

All summer long, I’ve been doing a lot of baking and cooking from my French Cook book that I got last Christmas. The majority of the time, I’ve been making tarts and cookies, but recently, I’ve decided to branch out and make a savory dish, a flamiche.

MJ Tribute/La Marseillaise

You all remember the dancing inmates from few years ago? Well, they’ve made a tribute video to their favorite guy.

Here is the long awaited La Marseillaise update:

La Marseillaise

Sirius’s Light Materials a.k.a. Sirius Gets Sassy

A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long. Midterms are stupid and time consuming. It is harder than it seems to study everything from French to fascism, tables to Tudors, and Catch-22 to calculus all in a week. But we got through it, the midyear reports will be sent shortly, and we can enjoy a little peace before April 1st comes around and college admissions decisions take over our lives. So until then, enjoy! And please review, we love it when people review.

I Want This BAD

Sadness

TMZ is reporting that Michael Jackson has died of cardiac arrest.

Real Housewives of New Jersey Finale Synopsis

OH MY LAWD! Just finished watching the first showing of the RHofNJ. It’s playing again, so I decided to make a synopsis.SO MUCH DRAMA!
As a result, it must be said: SPOILER WARNING!!!

Punny

New website idea:
Instead of collegehumor.com, I’d make coolidgehumor.com

Woman at a Dinner:I’ve made a bet with a friend that I can get you to say at least three words this evening. What do you say to that?

Calvin Coolidge: You lose.

Maybe I’ll paint one together, but I’m too lazy right now.

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In a completely unrelated note that we forgot to mention like last week when it happened, apparently there was some controversy when someone reported us (kyla and  myself) as under the age of eighteen and therefore inelligible to write for grangerenchanted.com. We just wanted to let you guys know that all of us; Kyla, Alison, and I, are eighteen as of April 16th.

We are somewhat good about making new posts on this homepage, but we were definitely lacking in good updates in other areas of the website, including, but not limited to the “About Us” section, “CHILL-ian Murphy Pictures,” and “Quotes to Live By.” The “About Us” section is now updated to show our correct ages.  If there are any questions, feel free to email us at sandthegp@gmail.com.

Trollin’ for Trolls

So, to get a full and diverse plate of celebrity gossip, I check perez hilton, dlisted, and oh no they didn\’t daily. Perez is biased, dlisted is HILARIOUS ( i seriously suggest you check it out), and ONTD has so many updates and really great comments. I seriously just go there to read people’s opinions on things because it’s so great. Oftentimes, people do a thing known as “trolling” to lend a controversial opinion on some matter; it might be a person who against gay marriage speaking on its sinfulness, etc. One of the most hilarious things on ONTD is to read the enormous fights that people get into over subjects…all because of trolls.

So, recently, I read a thread on ONTD about twilight or something, and a wonderful little troll came to visit!
Trollin\’ for Trouble!

For the TL;DR crowd, basically this girl, “rigli,” thinks Twilight is great because 1. it has great Christian values, 2. Edward keeps his woman in line!, and 3. it’s well written! Then everyone else responds,” Are you touched in the head?”/”Palm/Face.” But, very interesting and a little bit sad if that girl was serious.

Alex’s Oscar Blog

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Uhhhh Miley Cyrus’s dress. Gross.

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LOVE SONG AND DANCE NUMBERS@!

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Five really awesome oscar winning women presenting the awards? Fun Fact: Goldie Hawn taught my mom ballet when Mama was in 4th grade…

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Steve  Martin and Tina Fey! Too funny of an entrance. “Every great movie starts with a screen play. Or an great movie poster.”

That is how I want to make my great movie!

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God, why don’t people just literally have sex with Wall-E. I mean, that’s what they act like they want to do.

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Mama: There is no other industry in the world that gives itself more awards than the Entertainment Industry. They need to stroke their egos. They need to stroke themselves.

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Woot! Milk! I know Nana is happy.

Daddy’s Oscar Predictions:

Best Supporting Actor- Heath Ledger

Best Picturee: The Curius Case of Benjamin Button

Nana’s Oscar Predictions

Best Supporting Actor- Heath Ledger

Slum Dog Millionaire wins the rest!

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SLUM DOG MILLIONAIRE WINS BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY! WOOOT! SO FAR NANA & I WIN!

obviously Benjamin Button couldn’t have won this category. They changed the short story so much there was no way that they could have won this category.

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Everyone is up Wall-E’s ass.

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La maison en petits cubes- Domo Aragato Mr. Roboto! That dude was hilarious! Also, nice pronunciation, Jack Black.

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Sarah Jessica Parker tripped a little bit on the way up? Or Daniel Craig trod on her dress?

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I really dislike Brad Pitt. I mean, i LOVE Se7en and i LOVE Fight Club, But I do not think that he is that good at acting.

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RPattz is pesenting.

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Why is Twilight included in an Academy Awards video-thingy?

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Always with the coldplay! Alison and Kyla know how I feel about that.

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(Keep in mind that I hate it when Kyla keeps me updated on her bathroom schedule) But I REALLY HAVE TO PEE! HOWEVER, I can’t leave because the commercials always rock my socks off!

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BEN STILLER SO FUNNY! SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE IS A WINNER, AGAIN! SCEW YOU, BENJAMIN BUTTON!

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Poor Jessica Biel. No one laughed at her jokes

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Love Seth Rogen.

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ANOTHER musical number. This isn’t the Tonys! Thankfully, Beysus is here. OOOh and Zach Efron & Vanessa Hudgens.  And everry person who has been in a musical-turned-movie this year.

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You know that this is the first time Cuba Gooding, Jr has been a stones throw away from any sort of “Academy Function” since Snow Dogs.

They had to have a black guy talk about Robert Downey, Jr’s nomination. Plus, they both are juniors!

Let’s see if everyone’s Best Supporting Actor prediction wins! HEATH LEDGER WINS! Least surprising win ever. I TOLD MY DAD THAT HIS FAMILY WOULD ACCEPT THE AWARD!

Though, it would have been hilarious if RBJr had won.

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Love that French Guy! He should have hosted!

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WHAT THE FUCK I HATE MONTAGES.

BB wins another useless award. No offense intended to the people who made a seventeen-page short story into a 2 1/2 hour snoozer.

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Every single person who worked on slumdog millionaire and was nominated (so basically every single crew member) should get to sit in the front of the fucking theatre. They shouldn’t have to run like a couple of olympians to accept their awards.

SLUM DOG MILLIONAIRE WINS FOR EDITING! CHILL AS SHIATSU!

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He says what we’re all thinking.

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if you are reading this right now

it means that you’ve highlighted this portion of the post

because wordpress is being a bastard

about posting directly under photos

and is making a bit more mad

than i would be if wordpress wasn’t

being a complete and total tool.

yay oscars!

I wish M.I.A had won But Slumdog is still rockin it

!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Vinca!

About 1 year ago, a dear pup joined my family. When Vinca came to us, she was called “Princess” and was completely insane. She had severe separation anxiety and would go batshit insane whenever we left her. However, after an entire year’s training, I can honestly say that she has turned her behavior completely around. She may be stinky and weird, but she is my stinky weirdo. And I will forever treasure my moments with her: from the kicks, scratches, smellyness, and horrible behavior to the puppy smiles, big-dog barks, and fluffy hair. She is my Vink, and I love her ever so much for it.

Dog in Snow from Alexandra Gordon on Vimeo.

Here’s to the unofficial fourth member of the band: Vinca Periwinkle Gordon!
Happy 2nd Birthday, Vincachen!

Nut Tapers?

Tap that nut

Chill

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http://vimeo.com/211834

Halloween: 28 Days Later

Because I’m awesomely cool, I spent Halloween

a) doing some last minute pumpkin carving

b) studying for the SAT

c) watching 28 Days Later while studying for the SAT

d) All of the above

I’m so freaking chill that I stayed in and watched 28 Days Later. I’m a notorious plot spoiler, on myself I mean (I like to look up the plots of movies before I see them), so what happened didn’t really surprise me. What did surprise me was how supremely RAD it was. Super excellent. Other things that didn’t surprise me? How hot Cillian Murphy is. A primo fox.

Kyla can have all the Irish boys she wants except for this one. CILLIAN IS MINE!

Those Brits Beat Us Again

skins is only the second best British show I’ve ever seen.

yay for silly drug-crazed teens!

Breaking something

Breaking Dawn comes out tonight. Big Barnes and Nobles party is planned. T-shirts have been decorated. Updates to follow.

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Been reading breaking dawn since about 1 AM. Now is 5:48. Will i get sleep? no one knows.

Not tired at all. About 5/7 of the way through. thunder caused vinca to get in my bed. very smelly and not chill at all.

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7:21

Just finished the book. A little tired. Writing this so that people will know what my true reaction was to the book directly after i finished it, and can look back and know if i changed my opinions or whatever. I thought it was really good. It had a plot that i had NEVER anticipated. I thought of the idea a little randomly at times, but never actually thought it was a viable plot device. I know i’m being vague, but don’t want to spoil anything for anyone. Ummm…at one point i thought the plot was a little silly, and one of the names was one of the most stupid names i have ever heard in my life. so dumb. some parts were saccharine, but others i truly enjoyed and would laugh out loud. A lot of skimming was done in some parts, but it wasn’t like HP where I had no idea what was going on as a result of that. It was very good, even better than Eclipse, in my opinion.

All i know is that i can’t wait to talk about it with Kyla!

-Alex

would you rather…

Personally end strife in Darfur, or see The Dark Knight?

‘Tis a difficult choice to make…

-Chocolate Sauce

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text conversation between red-headed league and myself:

Red-headed League: I was wondering when you would bring back pantr. I’ll bring the oats and horses(?)

Vegetables: the oats hath eaten the pantr.

Red-headed League: I bet thats what he was trying to say. Sometimes even Shakespeare gets it wrong.

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Yes, I am editing Alex’s post just to say that The Dark Knight was the chillest movie ever.  Heath Ledger is so ace.

Why so serious??

Don’t Pass Me By

Has Alison returned to the States yet? Not quite sure, but her cellphone has been turned back on. Kyla and I have called her at least five hundred times. And I’m not exaggerating. Much. In the midst of waiting for Alison to show her face, I decided that we couldn’t wait any longer to record. I went out with my Pa and purchased a microphone for my laptop. I have recorded many things, including conversations between Kyla and myself. I’m like a secret agent.

Kyla and I were also extremely pleased to hear that Pattie has started reading Twilight. Everyone should. Also, play this game. Open any one of your Twilight books to any page. Read a sentence in your head. Then read the same sentence out loud, preferably to a crowd of people. Pure hilarity! Edward’s little speeches don’t sound so profound once they’re not in your head!

Par example:

(Twilight, pg. 201)

“And as for her other question…Well, I’ll be listening to hear the answer to that one myself.” One side of his mouth pulled up into my favorite uneven smile. I couldn’t catch my breath soon enough to respond to that remark. He turned and walked away.”

Finally, I took another internet quiz to sort myself, even though I already know the house I’m in. The results were not surprising. 79 on Gryffindor, 77 on Ravenclaw, 47 on Hufflepuff, and 84 on Slytherin.

The sorting hat says that I belong in Slytherinr!

Said Slytherin, “We’ll teach just those whose ancestry is purest.”

Slytherin students are typically cunning and hungry for power. Important members include Draco Malfoy (Harry’s nemesis), Professor Severus Snape (head of Slytherin), and Lord Voldemort.

Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz ever created.Get Sorted Now!

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College Humor Comments

Best comments ever? I think yes.

yay, collegehumor!

Epic Shirting

First off, love this video. We should totally start doing this:

shirting

Also, since no one has written for a while, I found this thingy and decided to do it.
Copy and paste to your own journal, erase my answers, and add your own. Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real places, names &/or objects, nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person you got this from has the same 1st initial. You CAN’T use your name for the boy/girl name question. And Have Fun With It!

1) 4 LETTER WORD: ache
2) BOY NAME: Allan
3) GIRL NAME: Adelaide or Ava
4) OCCUPATION: Accountant
5) A COLOR: Amber
6) SOMETHING YOU WEAR: Armour
7) BEVERAGE: Apricot Juice?
FOOD: Asparagus
9) SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM: Animal hair…that’s gross.
10) A PLACE: Austria (ALISON! I MISS YOU!)
11) REASON FOR BEING LATE: Adelaide ate all of Ava’s acne stuff.
12) SOMETHING YOU SHOUT: Allons-y!

That was fun

Don’t even think, just do. Don’t even breath, just live.

“I’m not gonna drive over there until I have the clothes on that I’m wearing,” said Kyla as she gazed into her closet, cursing the gods of fashion for not taking her to the mall in the previous week. She had the phone up to her head and a grin on her face.

“Maybe I’ll wear some capris and a tank top…Cause it’s like not that hot outside right now. I wish my white tank top was clean,” murmured Kyla. She looked at her selections, but knew that there was no right or wrong answer to her debacle.  The maroon carpet tickled her feet as she tried to make the hardest decision of her life. Would young Kyla ever find something appropriate to wear to Tom’s party? Only time would tell. But for right now, she would settle for a clean shirt, and a clean state of mind.

Brown Bear & White Shadow

Last day of school today. We were so sad because Kyla hasn’t been in school for the past two days, and consequently has missed four of her seven finals. But more importantly, we were desperately missing the company of our dear Esteban who was unable to join us for bagel lunch after the final test today. Instead, she was left alone to struggle with the horrid STREP THROAT, which really is the WORST kind of throat to have.

Washed Vinca today and I guess now she doesn’t smell like many different things crawled under her fur and died, which really is best for everyone. Also went to dinner with the moms, got Sarah’s dad a “get-well” prezzie, and got Esteban a “no more sicky” prezzie. Good fun

Now I’m watching Scrubs and waiting for Vinca the Stinkah to ask me to take her out. Good fun!

I love you all very much,

The White Shadow

Siamese Twins Seperated, One Leg Less

If moths had eyes, would they be happier,
how do they know they’re not dead?
Cavemen hunting for food,
but not before they style the hair on their head
What would last longer in dinosaur times?
A blind man didn’t stand a chance,
not with all them rocks about,
I’d rather be a blind moth.

Bubbled wallpaper, what a mess,
Washer/dryer knackered, what a mess,
Siamese twins separated, one leg less
For God’s sake, me bellyache,
The doctor said it was me kidney,
He said he had to put a tube up me knob,
I said you gotta be kidding me,
For God’s sake, knobache

It would be spiteful
To put a jellyfish in a trifle.

Courtesy of Karl Pilkington

Dear Alison: I Wrote this for you

The Hypocrisy of Religion in Moby-Dick

Religion is not a pair of pants that someone can change whenever they see fit. Quaker is what many of the major characters claim to be, if not for simply believing in the tenants, then for the fact that they lived in Nantucket, a place originally settled by Quakers. Several of the characters in Moby Dick are identified as Quakers, but their actions do not match their words. When comparing the tenants of the religion to the action and dialogue in the novel, it becomes evident that some of the characters can not be seen as Quakers.

Quakers believe in several tenants which shape their daily lives. The Quakers believe in, “the virtues of moral purity, integrity, honesty, simplicity and humility” (Tolerance). Ishmael learns about the history of Bildad, which involved going to new lands and whaling. Ishmael informs the reader that, “…he had long since come to the sage and sensible conclusion that a man’s religion is one thing, and this practical world quite another.” Bildad apparently practiced his religion piously at home, but did not make the connection between it and the outside world. If religion generally carries moral codes to live by, what is the point in practicing a religion if you choose when and where you follow its rules? During the chapter, “The Ship,” Ishmael negotiates his lay with Bildad, who tries to convince him that 1/777 lay is plenty enough for Ishmael. Bildad believes that too much money might corrupt Ishmael, asserting, “The seven hundred and seventy-seventh wouldn’t be too much, would it?—‘where moth and rust do corrupt, but lay.’” Bildad attempted to use a quote from the bible to keep Ishmael from being “corrupted,” when it reality Bildad was just being greedy.

Another of the main testimonies of the Quakers is that of peace. The belief that violence is wrong has persisted from the religion’s very beginnings. Even Ishmael wonders how Bildad reconciled his religion with the spilling of, “tuns upon tuns of leviathan gore.” If peace and nonviolence runs towards humans, could it not also go towards animals, as well? Ishmael describes Quakers like Bildad and Peleg as “fighting Quakers…” but that seems completely oxymoronic. If a tenant of their belief is nonviolence, then the Quakers cannot be known as “fighters

Bildad constantly preaches to the other sailors about what he believes is appropriate behavior. Bildad scolds others when they swear and warns them of Hell. The fact that they participate in such a gory profession does not seem to bother Bildad. Morality and integrity should also be very important to Bildad, but he is only too willing to forget about those tenants when it comes to determining the lay. Bildad cares more for his job than what should be his way of life.

Let’s have a raid!

I wanna go out tonite and have a raid. You know, completely alcohol soaked and full of drugs. So much fun. A raid. Not a police raid. A raid raid.

UHHHHH…I am basically the happiest person in the world now because I have the best piece of art that I have ever seen in all my life.

Dr. Clark let us take home some of his stuff from the portable, and I got to take home the best poster…EVER!

So there’s that. So happy.

*edit*edit*edit*edit*

I’m watching the preview for the real world: hollywood next week.These people are so unbelievably awful. Sure, they hate their roommate, Greg. Greg is mean and plays pranks, but there is absolutely NO REASON to try to “insult” someone by saying that,” you dad died because you’re gay and he knew it.” They were basically attacking him because he WASN’T trying to fight with his roommates. They wanted him to punch them. So juvenile. It’s so wrong to talk about someone’s parents like that, and speak as if being gay is something bad. I can’t say that I think Greg is a good person, but I think all the other people in the house are such @$$holes.

Just ranting about stupid MTV shows.

*Insert obnoxious senior yawping*

I AM OFFICIALLY A SENIOR! WOOT!

So…yeah.

But that doesn’t change the fact that I have a research paper due on Friday, and so far it is the most mediocre piece of writing that I have ever created in all of my life. If we had been working on it during third quarter like the rest of the world, maybe I wouldn’t feel so passion-less about writing it. I just feel a general sense of ennui when it comes to school work at this point. The only homework that I’ve done for like a week is my math homework and my French homework.

But, Kyla and I have been extremely productive whenever we’re in the computer lab. We wrote an excellent letter to our Harry Potter podcast, Mugglecast, about their grammar and constant discussions over Twilight. And also how we thought they are hot. No! We do not have the maturity of two teenage girls! And so what if we do? I mean, we are teenage girls. At least we don’t have the maturity of five year olds. All the time.

Very truly yours,

Alex

Some punks have chopped off his head

I just wanted to let everyone know that the word is “gryffindor.” We’re not in midieval England where it is necessary to add an “e” on to the end of every word.

You bunch of goofs.

In other news, yesterday I went to Wine in the Woods where there were a lot of hippies, young adults, and old people gathered together to drink and be merry. I really hate crowds. I have to say that i get a little pissy being around people who walk extremely slow or just block the walkway. I mean GOSH! The problem is that I always know where I want to go, so I don’t have any time to wait around for you to move. Also, I’m extremely impatient.

Other than the massive amounts of people, I got to have samosas and listen to covers of everyone’s favorite funk songs. Maman had a super time, as well.

Watching that movie Sky High right now. That guy who can control fire is so cool. All the other characters can go fall out of their superhero school bus.

Forever yours,

Alex

Majestic Eagle

So, I’m sitting at home, wondering if we’ll have a band meeting tonight, and I decided to watch a little bit of www.jakeandamir.com. I watched one of their older videos, and in my humble opinion, one of the best. I just wanted to share it with all of you because I figure that all of you care (HA!).

Kite

Forever yours,

Alex