How awesome is Leslie Knope?
Alex: Have you been watching Parks and Rec?
Kyla: Well there hasn’t been a new episode since I’ve been home, I don’t think. But yes I have seen all other episodes. And it is honestly probably my favorite show of all time now. I love it like it’s my child.
Alex: I want to be Leslie Knope. She is my ultimate role model.
Kyla: She is humanity’s role model. The human being’s role model. Greendale’s mascot should just be Leslie Knope.
Alex: That would be fucking epic. You, friend, are a genius.
Kyla: No, Leslie Knope is a genius.
Alex: Can we agree to disagree and say that we are all geniuses but Leslie Knope is better?
Yes, yes we can.
S&theGP IN SCOTLAND!!
why have so many people watched this video?
ali’s here.
S&theGP in SCOTLAND
mcpuppies5
S&theGP in SCOTLAND!!
Ok, so right now, I’m updating this blogpost at 7:30 in the morning from a bus on my way to OXFORD!!! I know that I haven’t updated in several weeks, but that’s down to how academically busy and boring my life has been. The only thing of note to point out is that guys in glasgow can be weird, but i suppose guys everywhere can be weird. Several weeks ago, Ali and I decided that I would come and visit her during my reading week because I love and miss her, and I’m desperate to get out of the city. The cheapest way to get to Oxford was to take a night bus from Glasgow to London, and from there to take this “Oxford Tube” bus I’m on right now! I barely got any sleep because even though I was one of the first people in line for the Glasgow bus, Everyone pushed ahead of me like some dicks. Which was not chill. As a result, I was scrunched up and uncomfortable for the majority of the trip. and then my stomach started hurting. lmao.Also, because i’m a little bit of an idiot, i bought the oxford tube thing for the wrong day, that is to say, yesterday. what can be done, except to buy a new ticket. so that’s what i did. Anywho, I finally made it to LONDON! I can’t believe i’m here in this most ancient and chill of cities. in a little over an hour, i shall be reunited with 1/3 of my soul, and we’ll be have 3/4 of a hell of a good time. i’ll update later when there are things to talk about.
S&theGP in SCOTLAND
It’s been a lazy week. I feel like I need to get out of the city, but the tickets to Oxford are really expensive. like over 100 pounds one way. and that is not chill. Everyone went away this weekend except for Paige and myself, so the Rager and I had a chill hang out weekend. She made a quiche (in a pie tin, btw) and I made penne alla vodka con salmon and petit pois, but it actually had fusilli cause that’s how i do. Last night, I had the sudden urge to make fried feta, so i rolled feta that had been soaked in ice water in salted flour, and then put it in hot olive oil. et voila! Today, I mashed carrots to add to my mashed cauliflower, and prepared some challah bread. I have figs that I can put honey on (I need more creme fraiche, though so that I can truly enjoy them), tomato soup, lots of veggies and stuff; it should be a really health week. So I think I’m good on food for the next week, lol. I just don’t like my inability to measure things (i can’t measure lower than 1 tablespoon) so I’ve avoided doing any sort of baking that would be so complex. I’m probably going to make some pumpkin bread or muffins.I just have some leftover yeast from when Eli visited and some flour, so I figure that I can just make my own bread rather than buy it.
S&theGP in SCOTLAND
Copied from an email sent to Mia because I am just that lazy:
S&theGP in SCOTLAND
I have been trying to contribute more than just salads and chopped carrots to the entire eating arrangement between my roommate and I, so this week I made crepes and a quiche. Read more…
S&theGP in SCOTLAND
Hey foos.
I’m all up in scotland this term, and this shiz is going doooooown.
I’m not going to keep track of all of the drinking or craziness that will not be going on here because MY PRIVACY IS IMPORTANT but I will give you all the other nittygritty details, like we don’t know if tampons have applicators.
it’s been three long days. rushing to the plane, being confused, unable to contact my family, using run-on sentences, etc.
the fuse keeps on blowing out on my floor so that’s really lame cause we don’t have electricity. we make dinner so that’s chill. orientation is boring, but at least us dartmouth students are together aaaaw yeah.
i wish i could be more specific, but i is tired and they ain’t no electricty here. don’t want to waste my battery.
I WUV EVERYONE AND I HOPE YOUR DAYS ARE ENERGY FILLED!
-alex
I thought these were funny.
A/N: I cannot believe that Mark Twain not only read our story, but left a review! And not only did he leave a review, but he left a GOOD review! So, we have tried extra hard to make this chapter absolutely perfect. Mark, this one’s for you.
A/N: Here is a small piece of advice. If you’re thinking about starting a fanfiction, wait until after midterms, or finals, or whatever you have going on at this time of year. If you have nothing going on, then hats off to you, dear readers, and I expect you to be even more dedicated to reading this story than we are to writing it. Not to say we aren’t dedicated, because we are. That’s the point. We (or at least I) are (if it’s just I, then this word would be “am”) spending too much time writing this when there are exams to study for, essays to write, and research paper topics to research. However, in two weeks, midterms will be over, second semester completed, mid-year reports will be sent to colleges, and the seniors of ’09 can finally sit back, pop in a DVD of Arrested Development, sip a cup of tea, and breathe. And oh, yes. Write fanfiction.
A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long. Midterms are stupid and time consuming. It is harder than it seems to study everything from French to fascism, tables to Tudors, and Catch-22 to calculus all in a week. But we got through it, the midyear reports will be sent shortly, and we can enjoy a little peace before April 1st comes around and college admissions decisions take over our lives. So until then, enjoy! And please review, we love it when people review.
^I like the alliteration there
A/N: Last night we had a dinner party with lots of homemade Indian food and cheesecake, and afterwards Alex and I, plus the other third of our soul, Alison, came up with some really cool, twisted plotlines. One of them begins in this chapter, which Alex wrote in record time. Yayayay! There is much more fun coming, so keep tuning in! A note to our lovely reviewer, Campanula1979: thank you. You are our hero as well.
Disclaimer: I guess it’s about time that we included one of these. Even though I think disclaimers are pointless for a fanfiction site where the entire site revolves around plagiarism, we do reference many other works in La Marseillaise besides Harry Potter, so we should probably disclaim our ownership of all that material. See if you can catch all the outside references- it’s fun!
A/N: Alex and I wrote this chapter in our respective houses, in the computer lab at our school, and on our friend’s mactop (better than a macbook) after baking 50,000 cupcakes. One bit was written in the gutter, guess which part. (No, in all seriousness, we forget which one. We may have been intoxicated at the time. Or not, because we are extremely pure high school seniors. Seriously, it is Friday night and we baked cupcakes. That’s how pure we are.) Please read and review!
A/N: I had a burrito with black beans and sweet potatoes for lunch. And no, it was not from Qdoba. But yes, it was delicious.
A/N: You know how J.K Rowling had the epilogue written out way before she finished all the books? She knew what everything she had previously written was leading up to, which I think increased the strength of her writing. Well, this isn’t the epilogue of our story, but we have had it written out FOREVER. Basically since we started the story, actually. Only a few changes have been made to it, but nothing significant. Oh, except for in the original version, Harry turned into a woman. We scrapped that idea in the beginning.
And Alison, I hope this chapter is more to your liking. We made sure to leave out the reproduction just for you.
A/N: This chapter is dedicated to our best friend, Alison, because today is her 18th birthday. Happy birthday, and go buy some porn!
A/N Part 2: So we’re really glad and all that Mark Twain, Michael Flatley, and Campanula like our story, but right now no one else is reviewing. Honestly reviews help a lot, whether they’re constructive or just positive reinforcement. So, even though this is a parody and we’ll probably continue to write whatever we want despite what people say, we are also open to critique and suggestions. Bascially, please review because we do a little dance every time we get a new one, and dancing is fun.
Disclaimer: This is in reference to all previous, current, and future chapters. We do not own Harry Potter (duh, this is a fan fiction site), Twilight, His Dark Materials, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, JakeandAmir, or any of the other things we allude to for fun. That’s kind of the point of a parody fic. Enjoy!
A/N: Since our plea for reviews in the last chapter sort of worked, we’re going to stick with it. PLEASE REVIEW! And thanks to those who did 
Note to Alex: I don’t know why I can’t just write normally for this chapter, but this way is fun.
Note to Kyla: Did you see the stuff I wrote? It’s mental. Stephen’s story is…well…not normal. You’re in good company.
Disclaimer: Can you guess what we’re about to say? I’ll give you three sets of ellipses to come up with an answer. … … … You guess it! We do not own Harry Potter! Wow, who’d a thunk it? And Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man and College Humor are also not in our possession. Darn.
Disclaimer: We are clearly not talented enough to come up with our own material and back-story for fiction writing, so we have to use someone else’s. In this case, that someone would be JK Rowling. And Philip Pullman. And James Joyce. And I guess a bit of Dan Brown. BOOM, ROASTED!
A/N: We just want to clarify something: In case you haven’t noticed, this is a parody fiction. We’ve come up with the general plotline on our own, but sometimes we like to reference parts of other stories, such as Twilight, because we like to poke fun at it. It’s not because we can’t think of our own material, that’s just what parodies do.
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter, His Dark Materials, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, The Hollow Men, Jake and Amir, The Stranger, Anne of Green Gables, Twilight, or Flight of the Conchords. Unfortunately, we are not creative enough to come up with our own silliness.
^I like how these last two were contradictory. They came from the same chapter. “It’s not because we can’t think of our own material,” and yet “we are not creative enough to come up with our own silliness.”
A/N: So yeah, it’s been a while. But we hope you guys are still interested in La Marseillaise, because we certainly are! Even if we don’t know quite what’s going on… But since we’re both leaving for college soon we want to try to get this story finished before the end of summer, so stay tuned! And please review!
Disclaimer: We own everything in this story. Just kidding, that’s not true. Replace “everything” with “nothing,” and then you might have a true statement.
A/N: Yeah, we haven’t updated in a while, but guess what? We’re in college now, so deal with it. LOVE YOU ALL! (especially if you review)
Disclaimer: We don’t own it, bitches!
A/N: Hey readers, this is almost the last chapter, which means that La Marseillaise is coming to a close! But don’t you fret! The end of La Marseillaise does not mean the end of us! Keep a lookout for our next fic because it’s going to be awesome. We have no idea when the first chapter will be up, but stay on the edge of your seats because it will be great.
^Yeah… this still hasn’t happened.
Also, the last word is scar. Yes, we’re one-upping J.K, but don’t be too hard on her. Her scar was close to the end, after all.
Disclaimer: If you actually think that we own this stuff, you are seriously uneducated.
Let’s Do This, BIT*****
Dear Guests/Readers/Perusers/Purveyors/Cillian Murphy Fans,
Henceforth forthwithstanding, in light of the serious moral and ethical issue/state of our country, we shall from this point forward (forthstanding) and forewithall never again use profanity, expletives, “eff” or “jeff,” or any such combination of sin-filled word-phrases–including but not limited to f*ckgardiumlevishi**, cu*t, c*abapples, ch**********t, and/or KyKy–to protect the delicate ears of our children and their children and many children across space time. And those in the E*trade commercial.
We hope that all of our dedicated readers (here’s lookin’ at you, KyKy) and those who like Cillian Murphy will understand our most serious decision. And respect our wishes. And send us presents.
Cheerio,
The Bees Knees
FLASHBACK TIME!! An e-mail from January 2009…
akejakejakejake in the computer lab now with alisossssnnnnn. hum midterm complete!!!!#@@#$#@%@ yipeee the printer is out of ink
My Birthday Surprise!
As any good blog reader of this particular blog knows, every year for our birthdays, two of devise a surprise for the birthday girl. This year is no different, and Kyla and Ali have created some sort of a scavenger hunt for me to go on. I’ve been getting clues in the mail with cryptograms and pictures for me to solve. I just wanted to post all that I have gotten so far. Read more…
Alex’s Oscar Blog: 3-D
Okay, bitches. It’s that fantastic time of year again: ALEX’S OSCAR BLOG! Only this is Part 3. In 3-D.
fat girls
Hilarious La Marseillaise Quote #Something
From Chapter 10: Bloody Hermione
“In the meantime, I suppose we should be planning the rest of our stay in Godric’s Hollow. We’ll have to stay put for the next two days until I have my baby,” Hermione started breathing heavily, “but I plan… for a fast… recovery…” And then she passed out.
Harry walked over to where Hermione lay on the ground. “We sure do make an interesting group, don’t we? You’re pregnant, Ron’s a vampire, and I’m an internationally celebrated character of children’s literature.” He sighed and knelt next to Hermione’s side. “It’s time to wake up, Hermione,” and he gently slapped her on the face.
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And here are some bits from Chapter 16 that I am enjoying quite a bit at the moment while sipping my chamomile tea.
Fleur only made French food. Fleur and Vampire Bill were talking animatedly about something boring, like pants or something. Or maybe the composition of jello.
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I have no idea why the font gets all crazy here, but this part is fucking genius. Almost like someone originally wrote it for a script for an AP English class about Meurseult wanting to murder everyone at a dinner party…
“NO! I could kill you right now if I wanted to, but I won’t. This is rubbish! This whole thing is rubbish!” Hermione looked confused, and also slightly frightened. “Nothing matters! You are so certain of everything, aren’t you! But all your certainties aren’t worth one hair of a woman’s head!” Again, Hermione looked slightly confused.
“Ron, what do you mean? What am I so certain about?” she asked. At this point, Hermione, Harry, and Stephen had crowded together in the corner of the room in fear of Ron’s terrifying speech abilities and intelligence.
“You’re not even sure if you’re alive because you’re living like dead men! But I’m sure about me. About everything. Sure of my life and my death that awaits me. Surer than you can ever be. I guess that’s all I have. But at least I have as much a hold on it has it as on me.” At this point, everyone was more confused than scared. The confused to scared ratio was about 5:2. Was Ron going to die?
“I have been right, I am right, and I will always be right,” Ron continued. “I have lived my life one way. I could have just as well as lived it another. And so, it’s as if i have waited all this time for this moment. Nothing matters. And I know why. And so do you.
“What do other people’s deaths matter when we’re all elected by the same fate? What does god matter? Can’t you see? Everyone will be condemned one day. Can’t all you condemned men see that?!” There was a short silence. “Obviously not, and so I’m just going to walk away, leaving you two to your animal tendencies, silently hoping and praying every day that he’ll hurt you. This is how the world ends, I suppose. Not with a bang, but a whimper.”
“You’re leaving?” asked Hermione with a small voice, almost a whisper. Stephen was grinning.
“No. I’m just going upstairs to sulk and listen to some Carly Simon, but just know that I would leave if we weren’t on an incredibly important mission because I never want to see your faces again. Just let me know when dinner’s ready.” With that, Ron left the room and went upstairs.
*****************************************************************************************
Hermione looked astonished by Stephen’s rudeness, and promptly responded, “Stephen, you are quite lazy. You just sit around all day, mumbling angrily and writing one or two words on scraps of paper. You can’t expect me to believe that what you’re doing actually constitutes as work!”
“What is this?!” shrieked Stephen. “You all always try to undermine me just because I can’t do as much magic as ‘the golden trio’! I should smack you!” There seems to be so much confusion in Shell Cottage today. Hermione never mentioned the fact that Stephen couldn’t do magic, but whatever. Stephen’s gonna be Stephen, and shit’s gonna happen.
Harry, once again, trying to cool down the heat-filled situation, said to Stephen, “Um…She didn’t say lazy. She meant to say that you’re quite…a maze.”
Hermione caught on, and joined in on Harry’s plan, “A maze of emotions.”
Harry continued,”Yeah. You’re a…maze. Amazing.” Stephen looked happy, and was about to hand Harry the plate of croissants, when Hermione said, “Amazing…ly…lazy.” Stephen was not happy.
*************************************************************************************
Hermione,” he said, almost gasping in shock, “how could you? Stephen is Sirius’ cousin! And Sirius is my godfather, and you’re practically my sister! This is like… incest!”
Hermione jumped off of Stephen, startled, but Stephen simply smiled. “Well, you know what they say. Incest is a game the whole family can play.”
**************************************************************************************
For full appreciation of this excerpt, see this link: http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1895642
Harry turned to him and grabbed the alethiometer out of his hands. “I want to throw this compass so that it hits right in between your eyes,” Harry said stiffly through clenched teeth.
“Oh that’s weird,” said Stephen, “because that’s the exact opposite of what I want to happen.”
“Well opposites attract,” said Harry, raising the compass.
“That doesn’t make sense here,” said Stephen.
“I don’t think I’m explaining myself correctly,” said Harry. “What I mean is that I want to chuck this at your head and then throttle you until you die.”
“Well maybe you should consult Ron about this, because it doesn’t look like he wants you to use his compass to destroy the world’s greatest genius either.” Harry looked at Ron’s face for the first time since they had entered the room. He wasn’t paying Stephen or Harry any attention whatsoever. He was staring at Hermione and had the saddest puppy dog eyes Harry had ever seen.
“You were the one bright spot in my otherwise dismal life,” he said finally.
La Marseillaise Quote #11
From Chapter 14: Taco Time
Stephen was an artist, he was a wizard, and his name was Stephen fucking Dedalus- of course he would be successful in the end! But he had a few things standing in his way.
Primarily there was the issue of her cat. Stephen didn’t care much for cats, and somehow Crookshanks seemed to be everywhere, lurking in the corners, watching him… And of course there was the whole Ron-pregnancy-baby-vampire situation. But soon Hermione would see the light. Sure, Ron ran like a gazelle and looked like Rupert Grint, but he screamed like a girl. Admittedly a very sexy little girl, Stephen thought, but Hermione was no lesbian. Yes, with a little bit of spellwork he was sure to get the girl of his dreams. Now the only problem was learning the magic…
La Marseillaise Quote #10
From Chapter 15: BOOM! ROASTED!
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I was about to go make myself a cup of joe. Would you like me to bring you some, Hermione?” With that last question Stephen gave Hermione an extremely strange look. He meant it to be the kind of look that said, “I may be offering you coffee, but you can have a lot more than coffee, if you know what I mean,” but instead he looked slightly constipated, and out of sympathy for his uncomfortableness, Hermione said that she would love a cup of coffee, as well as any other delicious treats that Stephen might be able to cook up in the kitchen. This may have been interpreted incorrectly by Stephen, because he left the room with such a bounce in his step that one might think he was walking on the moon.
La Marseillaise Quote #9
From Chapter 15: BOOM! ROASTED!
“Good,” said Harry. “So basically, we need your help. Now Stephen, take a moment, and just think very very hard about yourself, and try to see if you can come up with any reason whatsoever of why you might be of some importance to the rest of the universe.”
Stephen sat back in his chair, took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. Harry and Hermione waited. And waited. … He opened his eyes. “You two are bumbling idiots,” he said. “Haven’t I made it perfectly clear that I am an artist? And I’m not talking about pussies like Michelangelo or Picasso or whatever, I mean I am a true genius. And when I say genius I don’t mean genius like those wannabes Albert Einstein or Steve Jobs, I mean I am a real intellectual. And if you two had brains half the size of mine you would know that the power that is exerted from my mind provides critical support for the mere existence of mankind, and therefore, I am clearly ‘of some importance to the rest of the universe.’”
A Portrait of Stephen Dedalus as a Man
